The “8–10 Memories” Exercise in EMDR: A Guide for Clients

Becky
Feb 12
4 min read

If you’re starting EMDR therapy with me, you might be invited to complete something called the “8–10 memories exercise.”

This is not a test, and there is no right or wrong way to do it. It’s simply a structured way to help us understand the experiences that shaped the patterns you’re struggling with today.

This guide explains why we do it and how you can approach it.

Why we do this exercise

Most emotional difficulties don’t come from one single event.

Instead, they usually develop from a network of experiences across your life that taught your nervous system certain beliefs, such as:

“I’m not safe”
“I’m not good enough”
“I have to be in control”
“My needs don’t matter”
“Something is wrong with me”

Over time, these experiences link together in the brain. So when something happens in the present, it can activate the whole network, not just the current situation.

That’s why we don’t only focus on recent triggers in EMDR. We also gently look at the earlier experiences that created the pattern.

Mapping several experiences helps us:

• Understand where a pattern began

• See how it was reinforced over time

• Identify helpful starting points for therapy

• Work at the root level, not just on symptoms

Many clients find this process reassuring, because it helps them see that their reactions make sense in context.

Important to know: these don’t have to be clear “memories”

This is a really important point.

Not everyone has clear, detailed memories, especially if you’ve experienced:

Early childhood difficulties
Trauma or chronic stress
Dissociation
Neurodivergence
Emotional neglect rather than obvious events

Sometimes what comes up instead are:

Fragments or snapshots
Body sensations
Emotional “impressions”
Repeated patterns rather than one event
A sense of “I always felt this way”
Vague scenes without a clear storyline

All of these are completely valid.

In EMDR, we are not only working with factual memories, we are working with how your nervous system stored the experience.

So it is absolutely okay if what you write down is:

A feeling
A belief
A body sensation
A recurring situation
A blurry or partial memory

You do not need a perfect, detailed story.

How to do the exercise (step by step)

You may find it helpful to set aside some quiet time and approach this gently.

Step 1: Start with your current difficulty

Think about the issue you want help with.

Ask yourself:

When do I feel this most strongly?
What thoughts about myself tend to show up?
What feelings or body sensations are familiar?

This helps you identify the theme we’re mapping.

Step 2: Let your mind go back in time

Gently ask yourself:

“When else have I felt this way before?”

Allow whatever comes up, memories, fragments, sensations, or patterns.

You might notice things from:

Childhood
School years
Relationships
Work or social experiences
Recent life events

Write down anything that feels connected.

Step 3: Keep it simple

You do not need to write detailed stories.

You might simply note:

A short description (or fragment)
Your age (if known)
The feeling or belief linked to it

Examples:

“Age 8 – sitting alone at lunch – felt invisible.” “Teen years – constant comments about weight – belief: I’m not acceptable.” “Strong body memory of fear when voices were raised at home.”

Step 4: Aim for roughly 8–10 experiences

This number is simply a guide.

Some people identify fewer. Some find more.

You are not expected to get it perfect, we will review it together in session.

Step 5: Take care of yourself afterwards

It’s normal to feel a little emotional when reflecting on past experiences.

After completing the exercise, it can help to:

Do something grounding (a walk, a shower, a cup of tea)
Engage in a calming activity
Remind yourself that you are safe in the present

You are not expected to process these experiences on your own, that happens safely in therapy.

What happens next in EMDR

Once we have this map, we use it to plan therapy carefully.

Usually, we begin with earlier experiences that shaped the pattern, because when those shift, present-day triggers often become much easier to manage.

This allows us to work at the root level, helping your nervous system:

Feel safer
Update old beliefs
Reduce emotional intensity
Experience greater freedom in the present

A final reassurance

You are always in control of this process.

You never have to share anything you’re not ready to explore. We move at your pace, with strong support and grounding throughout. This exercise is not about dwelling on the past. It’s about helping your brain finally let go of what it no longer needs to carry.

If you have any questions while completing this, please bring them to our next session, we will go through it together.

About Becky Grace Therapy (EMDR Therapist in Norwich)

Becky Grace Irwing is a BABCP-accredited CBT and EMDR therapist based in Norwich, UK, with over 15 years’ experience working in the NHS and private practice.

She specialises in:

EMDR therapy for trauma and complex trauma
Eating disorders and binge eating recovery
Neurodiversity-affirming therapy (ADHD & Autism)
Anxiety, OCD, and nervous system regulation

Becky is also a registered mental health nurse, yoga teacher, and personal trainer, bringing an integrated, somatic and evidence-based approach to therapy.

Sessions are available in-person in Norwich (NR3 area) and online across the UK.