Is EMDR Right for You? A Nervous-System-Aware Guide to Suitability and Pacing

This article is for people considering EMDR therapy who want a clearer, more grounded understanding of what makes EMDR helpful — and when it may need to be paced more carefully.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) can be a powerful and effective therapy. It can also be misunderstood as something you simply “start” once you decide you want trauma work.

In reality, EMDR works best when it is carefully paced, collaboratively planned, and grounded in nervous-system safety.

This post outlines the kinds of questions I use — and encourage clients to reflect on — when considering whether EMDR is a good fit right now, and what preparation or alternatives might be helpful first.

EMDR is not about pushing through

A common misconception is that EMDR requires being “ready to face everything” or able to tolerate intense emotional distress.

In fact, EMDR is most effective when:

• safety is prioritised

• the nervous system has some capacity to settle after activation

• the person feels able to pause, slow down, or say no

  
  

Suitability is not about resilience or toughness. It is about timing, support, and containment.

Areas I explore when considering EMDR

The questions below are not a test or checklist. They help us understand how EMDR might work for you, and what support would make it safer and more effective.

1. What’s bringing you to therapy now?

We start by understanding:

• what has led you to seek support at this point

• whether there are particular memories, themes, or patterns you feel stuck in

• whether the past feels present in your day-to-day life

  
  

This helps clarify whether EMDR is likely to be central to the work, or one part of a broader therapeutic approach.

2. Life experiences and memory processing

EMDR can be helpful for a wide range of experiences, including:

• accidents or injuries

• medical or hospital experiences

• emotional neglect or chronic lack of safety

• bullying, humiliation, or social threat

• loss, grief, or abandonment

• experiences that feel “frozen in time”

  
  

What matters most is not the label, but whether memories:

• carry strong emotional charge

• come with intense body sensations or images

• feel unfinished or intrusive

  
  

3. How you process emotions and bodily experience

EMDR involves working with both mind and body, so it’s important to understand:

• how you tend to process emotions (internally, verbally, through movement, writing, etc.)

• whether you experience sensory sensitivities

• what happens in your body when you feel anxious, overwhelmed, or shut down

  
  

Difficulty staying connected to the body does not rule out EMDR, it simply informs how we would approach it.

4. Coping and regulation capacity

Before trauma processing, we explore:

• what already helps you feel calmer or steadier

• how you cope when emotions rise

• whether you’re open to learning or strengthening grounding skills

  
  

Being able to self-regulate perfectly is not required. Having some ways to come back to the present is usually enough to begin safely.

5. Dissociation and shutdown

Many people experience dissociation at times, such as:

• spacing out or losing time

• emotional numbness

• freezing or going blank under stress

• feeling detached from the body or surroundings

  
  

Dissociation does not automatically rule out EMDR, but it does affect:

• pacing

• session structure

• whether preparatory work is needed first

  
  

6. Imagery, attention, and grounding preferences

Different people regulate in different ways.

We explore questions such as:

• whether visualisation feels calming or activating

• whether grounding through physical sensation works better

• whether metaphors, symbols, or indirect language feel safer than direct emotional focus

  
  

EMDR is adaptable, it does not have to look the same for everyone.

7. Parts of self and internal conflict

Many people notice different “parts” of themselves:

• one part wanting to process trauma

• another part feeling wary, protective, or fearful

  
  

Rather than pushing past this, we listen to it.

If a part of you is unsure about EMDR, that information helps us work with your system, not against it.

8. Safety and support outside sessions

EMDR doesn’t end when the session does.

We consider:

• whether your current environment feels safe enough for deeper work

• what support, routines, or relationships help you settle

• whether there is space in your life for rest and integration

  
  

This is especially important if considering EMDR intensives or therapy blocks.

9. Mental and physical health considerations

We also review:

• mental health history and diagnoses

• medication

• experiences of psychosis, mania, suicidal thoughts, or self-harm

• sleep, energy, and physical health

  
  

This helps ensure EMDR is offered ethically and appropriately.

10. Your relationship with EMDR itself

Finally, we explore:

• what you’ve heard or read about EMDR

• what feels appealing, confusing, or concerning

• how you usually respond when difficult emotions arise

• whether you prefer structure and predictability or flexibility

  
  

EMDR is always collaborative. You are never expected to “just get on with it”.

A gentle self-reflection

Many people find it helpful to consider whether they currently:

• can notice when something feels too much

• feel able to pause or slow down

• have some ways to ground themselves

• feel emotionally safe enough with their therapist

  
  

If the answer is “not yet”, that doesn’t mean no — it often means not yet, and that’s okay.

EMDR works best when safety comes first

EMDR is not about reliving trauma or forcing memories to surface. It is about allowing the nervous system to process what it has been holding — at a pace it can tolerate.

Sometimes that means:

• starting with stabilisation

• integrating CBT or parts-informed work

• using EMDR later, or in a focused block

  
  

Suitability is always revisited as therapy progresses.

About the author

Becky Grace is a BABCP-accredited CBT and EMDR therapist specialising in eating disorders, neurodiversity, OCD, and complex trauma. She offers EMDR as part of a carefully paced, nervous-system-aware approach, and works in person in Norwich as well as online with UK and international clients.

Booking therapy: a clear 2-step process

If you’re considering EMDR or trauma-focused therapy, working together begins with a structured process.

Step 1: Paid clarity call (including suitability assessment) A focused therapeutic consultation to explore what you’re seeking support for and whether EMDR — or another approach — is appropriate at this stage.

Step 2: Therapy begins If we decide to proceed, we agree a therapy plan. This may involve weekly sessions, structured therapy blocks, or EMDR intensives, depending on your needs and circumstances.

You can view availability and book a paid clarity call here:👉 Home - Client Bookings Zanda

Further details about fees, location, and ways of working are available at:👉 www.beckygracetherapy.co.uk